Erin (etmuse) wrote in etmuse_fics,
Erin
etmuse
etmuse_fics

Guilt - 67/69

Title: Guilt
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Torchwood is not mine. No matter how much I sometimes wish it was.
Spoilers: Some information and events from s1,2. NONE for s3.
Summary: Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you. - Well, what if he did?

This chapter: Ianto makes a promise.

Thanks to: My beta cazmalfoy for all her wonderful work, and my cheerleaders angelzbabe1989 and piper08 for putting up with me when I whine about being stuck.

Fic starts here
Previous chapters at the new master list for this fic

Chapter Sixty-Seven

“We just need to keep fighting for it.”

“I want to, Ianto,” Lisa replied. “And I want to believe that will be enough, but the stronger it gets, the harder it is to hold onto that belief.”

“Lisa…”

“What happens if it gets too strong for me to fight? I’m barely holding on at the moment. If it gets a lot stronger it might start to beat me.”

She fixed Ianto with a serious look. “I know what will happen to me if it manages to take hold of me. I remember what they were like, what happened at… in the battle. I could hurt you. Hurt Jack, Tosh, Owen. I don’t want that to happen; I won’t let that happen.”

“None of us will let that happen,” Ianto said fiercely. “We won’t let it get control of you like that.”

“I know you won’t. And that’s really the whole point of what I’m about to ask of you.”

Ianto was worried by the look in her eyes as she spoke. “What?” he asked cautiously.

“I know that your first instinct is going to be to refuse, because that’s just the type of person you are, but this is something I really need you to do for me.”

That didn’t exactly do anything to abate Ianto’s worry.

“You know what the percentages are right now, and you know that I’m more or less holding my own against this thing for now, but if those percentages were reversed… I don’t think I’d really be in with a chance.”

”But…”

Lisa smiled thinly. “I’m not giving up, and I know you aren’t either, but I do think we need to be prepared. We need to make plans for the worst case scenario. You have to admit that there’s a growing chance that this isn’t going to end the way we want it to.

Ianto shook his head as a realisation started to dawn on him. “No… please say you aren’t asking what I think you’re asking. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Ianto, but I have to. If it gets to the stage that this monster inside my head is significantly more in control than I am, you have to… to… eliminate the threat.”

Ianto was shaking all over, his eyes glassy.

“Please, Ianto,” Lisa begged.

“I just… can’t.” Ianto’s voice wobbled. “How can you ask me to do this to you?”

“Because I know it’s the right thing. You will too, when you really think about it. If it comes down to it, my life is not worth dooming the world by handing it over to the Cybermen again. ”

Ianto dropped his gaze to the floor, trying not to admit to himself that her words held more than a trace of horrific logic.

“I…” He trailed off; he didn’t actually know what he wanted to say.

“I, more than anyone, hope that it won’t come to it, but I need you to promise me that you’ll do it if you have to, Ianto.”

Ianto nodded tearfully. He hated this, he hated even the idea of this, but he couldn’t deny Lisa this one shred of control over her own future. “I promise.”

With Ianto’s word secured, the long day caught up with Lisa shortly afterwards, and she was sleeping fitfully less than half an hour later. Ianto knew that, even in sleep, she was having to battle to remain in control of her own brain, so the rest wasn’t really all that restful or rejuvenating.

Checking one last time to make sure she was sleeping as peacefully as was possible, he made his way back to the main Hub.

“How is she?” Jack asked when the team noticed his arrival.

“She’s holding on, but it’s hard.” Ianto sighed. “She… she asked me to do something for her, and I promised I would, but…” He worried his lip a little between his teeth. “If the worst actually happens, I’m not sure I could.”

“What did she ask you to do?” Owen queried.

“If… if the percentage gets high enough that she has no chance of remaining in control, she asked me to…”

He could get the last words out, but the rest of them could easily infer what he meant.

Tosh’s voice finally broke through the silence that had fallen in the wake of Ianto’s announcement.

“As much as I really hate to say this, I think she’s right.”


Chapter Sixty-Eight
All comments and concrit welcomed! (Comments = Love <3)
Tags: fandom: torchwood, fanfic, fic: guilt, length: 40000+, rating: pg/pg-13, tw: ianto/lisa, tw: jack/ianto, verse: guilt
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